rain. I know god must be rolling his eyes at me, but really this
constant rain in NYC is bring me down. When I told my therapist I
think I'm just reacting to the rain, he said no, u r dealing with
something else. Something deeper. I can't seem to put my finger on
exactly what's causing all these irrational thinking, but I knew it
had to do with the weather. Th feeling of not being able to find the
cause to my misery is, well, contributing to my misery.
I'd like to thank all of you who reached out to me in the last post. I
won't post all the comments as some are very personal. But boy did I
have a good cry on my way to work, reading all that. I'm so thankful
for technology. Bill gates is my hero for enabling us communicating
via computer and internet. I've always been ashamed of looking for
help because that's a sign of weakness to me. But my blog has help me
to put my story out there without u guys having to understand my words
through my sobs and snots.
NYC weather clear up in the afternoon and my mood is significantly
lifted. I feel so calm. My hands r not sweating, my heart is not
pumping out my chest and I am not shaking. I am able to concentrate
and feel a sense of control and confidence. I'm afraid this feeling
will leave me. I don't to go back to the obsessive thinking of
depressive life. But for now, for just these 3 hours of calm and
blissfulness, I am thankful.
It is not fair normal people get to feel like this everyday.
Oh. Did I tell u I am going on 2 dates this wknd? I have not gone on
one single date since I broke up with my ex. Although I know nothing
is going happen with these two gentlemen, I'd still like to get to
know them over a glass of wine. Hey who says they have to be bf
material? We can still be friends right?
Talk to u soon ladies. Hope the sun is shining on ur side of the
town. :)
- Stephanie
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