MBA

I just spent a whole day reading up on MBAs and GMATs. I found some really good blogs with perspective students talking about their experience getting into MBA programs. It's all dated back in 2005-2006ish, but it's helpful to see what they go through and prep myself for it.

But to be honest, I don't even know if I can face up the challenge. My Kaplan GMAT prep class is starting in 3 weeks and I haven't even started thinking about which school I want to apply to. My dad had a talk with me last night, he's never been to college, so he's a self-made man. But he's concerned with my career/future. He's very proud of me, since I'm the only daughter and made my folks proud by graduating college and have a "good" job in Manhattan. But he knows I'm not happy with my job, not that there is anything MAJORLY wrong with it (I've talked about this subject extensively before), it's just not my cup of tea.

So last night, he told me if I get into NYU Stern, he'd pay for all my tuition (100K) and my mortgage, since I won't have any major income if I go to school full time (I can take part-time, but it won't pay for nothing but my transportation and books). So I asked, why NYU Stern? He said, he knew I've always wanted to go there and it's in the heart of NYC, where all the actions are, plus he's very well-known (aka bragging right to friends). I understand all that and I don't disagree, but I am so scared to take on that challenge, because... I've been dinged by NYU twice before. I applied for undergrad when I was in HS, then again when I wanted to trasfer after my freshman year. Both time.. rejected...

My coworker mentioned to me that if I apply to the NYU part-time program (Langone), I can get reimbursed through my current company (I think y'all know where I work, but I don't want to mention it again for fear of writing about work and get fired). I'd love that idea, except what's the point of me working here full time while going to school, if the whole idea of going to school to get out of this position? Plus, her group is more relaxed with the whole expense thing, so she doesn't have to worry about getting push backs. AND she's working for 2 VP's who's NYU alumni. and me? No one on my side, at least I don't think so...

The thing is.. I am scared of applying because I don't want to get rejected again. And because I really don't think I have a good chance. GMAT, I be lucky if get over 650, NYU's average is 700. Essay, I was never a good writer, I'm sure y'all can testify this one. Recommandation letters, I don't know anyone in high ranks, and I don't think my manager/seniors are happy with me.

My coworker's suggesting I go on and be a chatter box like her, and told me all her success stories with finding jobs by talking to people. "it's who you know not what you know" type of deal. But really? Talk to these people? I've been here for half a year and I've made 1 friend. I still get by with that fake smile and pretencious small talks with people in my TEAM (9 of us). So you can see... I'm going no where with that NYU Stern MBA...

I know I am so much more, but I just can't get that motivation and confidence back. On my New Year's resolution, I said I'd go to a school for its program, for what I like, and not what anybody else thinks. But here it is again, with the stupid NYU, am I destined to be this way? To have this life-long struggle with going to NYU? Will I be happier if I went to NYU? Honestly speaking, I don't think I will be happier, but my parents will. I am almost scared of NYU, I heard of all those horror stories about how cut throat that place is... but I just want have a good experience, travel abroad to study and meet smart and cool people. Why does everything have to be so... NYU????