Comment replies

jie jie said...
Thank goodness you're feeling better now. I blogged years ago and felt closer to my blogger friends than my RL friends, because they just didn't blog and we lived so far apart. I had a feeling, I think it was just me, that my real friends are getting tired of my whining and bitching. After hitting depression at its worse, I shut everyone out. Though I still minimize myself from exposing too much emotion, both in RL and online.. Errr.. not exactly cos I pretty much expose myself in other people's blog thru their comment section. Hehe.. you're one of my victims. I guess you can't help it when someone is truly open about their thoughts and feelings. One can't help but worry, relate and understand how you must feel. LOL on "Can't wait to get dirrty dirrty and make monkey love to H in the jungle." that's only good in fantasy hun.. j/k.I've been seeing some swatches lately, and Gentle is the one I'm eyeing most.. well dainty but it seems to light on me. Maybe I'll wait for more FOTDs.


Hi Jie Jie, thanks for always visiting my blog and leaving comments. Believe it or not, I always look forward to your comments, b/c it's more than just a "nice picture" reply, but u actually go in detail with your inputs. I'm glad to be one of your victims. =)

I think I've mentioned on my blog before that I experienced depression as well. It was derived from anxiety attack. Anxiety attacks landed me in the ER a couple times, sometimes it gets so bad, I rarely slept in 36 or 48 hours. The Dr. asked me to go see out patient psychiatrist, but I never went. One thing is just I'm afraid to be seen as a "mental patient", another is me thinking I'm strong enough to deal with anything. I had friends around me but I know none of them knew what I was going through. Even though they listened to me, but it's hard to let others feel what is going through in your head. I shutted them out. I know they care about me, but that doesn't really help with being depressed. The only thing that can save me is myself. I needed to see things differently and get out of the black hole. No one could help me, except for myself. So I ended up spending a lot of time alone and start this blog. Believe it or not, it felt a lot better after I started the blog. I felt like I could express my feelings better and my readers kept me going on about what I'm passionate. It's like always having a listener there. I didin't have to go out of my way to search for someone who'd just listen to me and telling me how I should live my life.
Anyways, completely going off of a tangent. But I wanted to let you know I read your blog too and I apprecaite your comment. =)

Anonymous said...
CuttiBebe:I have been reading your blog for a while, mainly because of Daisy, reminds me of my own pet. I agree, mac's gentle is so beautiful!I also get anxiety attacks once in a while, is very scary and my family thinks I am just weak minded and need to be monitored...it is sad..because I am perfectly fine unless those moments come...I wish they understood that is something we can overcome. Along the way i read your blog. Hugs!Mimmi.

Hi Mimmi! Is your dog a Shih Tzu too? I love doggies, can u send me a picture of him/her? Daisy would love to meet her blogger friend.

I went through the same thing with my family. When I first mentioned to my mom about those weird feelings, she told me she had those too. It feels like a heart attack, you can't breath and feel like u r going to die. It's an intense feeling of fear and depression, it's like the world has come to an end and you are going to die. It has a spiral effect as well, the more think about it, the lower you go and it continues on, it's like an endless black hole and you are just falling.

When I used to have those feelings, I'd always be alone. Alone on a flight, alone in a car, or alone at home. Then I've discovered, my problem is being alone and I feared lonliness. I'm a single child, u'd think i'm used to being alone. Not really. I had my first anxiety attack at the age of 10. As years went on by, I had some here and there, just minor anxiety, so I pushed it aside. Until one day I was home alone while my parents were overseas, I got into this uncontrollable anxiety attack. I called my bf who was 250 miles away and told him I can't breathe. This went on for hours, I finally went to sleep at 4am after I called a friend over.

Dr. prescribed some Xnanx for me, but I felt it only made me sleepy. Yes it calmed me down quicker and made me relaxed and sleepy. But I didn't want to rely on medication. I still carry it around with me even after almost 1 1/2 yrs of not taking it (I only took it twice, just to get some sleep, then I ended up taking sleep aid for that). it's just the thought of having it with me, made me feel better. Sometimes I'd have attacks on the bus or walking on the street, that's when I need to find a place to sit down and drink some warm water with sugar. Low level of blood sugar can trigger anxiety too. I think I've scared enough people on the street, when I'd just turn paper white, breathing really heavy and having cold sweat in my palm.

As time goes by, I learned how to control it. Most of the time, I know when I'd get those feelings. So it's not an "attack" anymore. I can easily trigger myself into anxiety. I just need to think about all the sad things in my life and it'll come. But I can "talk myself out of it too". I need to tell myself I'm doing ok. I won't die. Nobody dies from having an anxiety attack. The feeling will go away. Sometimes I'd feel like shit all day or all week. It depends on the intensity. Somedays I can't really work, b/c my mind's occupied with so many thoughts. I can't stop it. I guess it's a form of Obsessive Composive Disorder. But I'd say it's very mild, b/c I am conscious of it.

I suggest that u do some research online. Spend some time with yourself to find out what triggers it. It's like someone with clostrophobia, if u had anxiety attack in a certain situation, the next time that situation happens again, it will trigger another round of attack. Last but not least, GET HELP IF YOU NEED IT. You can't possiblity fight off emotional illness on your own. I wish I had gotten help, went to therapy, but my unwillingness made me suffer a lot. Remember, NOBODY on this earth feels your pain, except for yourself. So why torture yourself and deny the medical attention you need? You don't see a diabetic denies him/herself from insulin, b/c they can "fight" it off or they are not strong enough. It's a condition/illness/disorder, whatever it is, you need someone with a professional opinon to tell you what to do next. You family wants the best for you, healthy and happy, but they are not fit for giving medical advises. Likewise, you don't tell your sick mom/dad to just suck it up and don't take medicine for the cold.

Please read here about my past experience and a very interesting article written by Dooce.