Cheers!

hello ladies, i'm in london right now. haven't updated in a week and lots have happened. first, i feel better today. today is my first day back in the office after the long weekend and starting on a new project. so in a way, it was good to get back into my work and concentrate. that made me forget about a lot of fears i had. i was quite busy in the office, 2 meetings on my first day and running around trying to get myself situationed with clients and colleagues, figureing out minor things such as printers, etc. it's good to excerise the mind.

last wednesday, i was planning on going to niagara fall with my parents until sat. but daisy, my little doggie baby, hurt herself in her sleep by scratching her right eye. i woke up and saw her couldn't open up her right eye. freaked out, sent to her the vet and got some drops for her eye. thankfully she's all good now, all happy and healthy. but i had to cancel my trip niagara fall. the 2 days i spent at home made my condition worse. i think sitting at home, doing nothing, is the worse thing you can do when you are depressed. because no matter what movie or tv you watch, all you are going to think about is how depressed you are.

so on friday, my parents took me to atlantic city. that really made a huge difference. i was feeling much better being outside. we just went to the boardwalk, took a walk with daisy. went gamble for a bit and had some food. it was simple, but it was good. i only wished that i had a boyfriend or close friend, so i don't need to bother my parents with taking me out. right now, i don't have a lot of close friends around, some things i'd rather not share with people. come to think of it, no matter how friendly and open i seem to people, a lot of things, especially depressing things, i'd rather keep to myself. in some way or form, i'm trying to keep up this imagine of "happy and funny" stephanie.

thank you all for your comments. some times i think i should release the comments, as it might help others to read the responses. i might open up those that do not say DO NOT MODERATE THIS COMMENT STEPH! haha.

i watched this video called "The Secret". it's derived from a book. have you guys read it? i always see it in the airport book stores, but never bought it because the cover looks like some vampaire scary stuff. but after watching the DVD i learned it is a self-motivation book. basically it teaches you to visualize, imagine and realize your dreams and desires. no matter what it is, if you just pretend you already have it, you will have it eventurally. i always knew that before you go to work or go to some important event, if you could imagine you deliver a successful speech or give a perfect interview, you will do well on it. before i go to interviews, back when i was in college, the night before my interview, i always have my little cards to practice my questions and answers, then i close my eyes and imagine the interviewer and my facial expressions and my responses to their questions. it really works.

sometimes it takes the lowest of all low for you to realize what you really want or need. i come to realize that what i used to want and need is not what can satisfy me anymore. therefore, it's a new chapter in my life, i need to act on it. god is telling me something by putting me through this. it's kinda of like "stephanie, get off of your lazy bum and get on with life! stop wasting your time away doing whatever it is that u r doing." i know i should do something but not sure what yet.. i feel like that's the hardest thing, to find a dream, a goal.

i have been reading the Dalai Lama's book, called "How to see yourself as you really are". it talks about compassion and self-knowledge. i suggest everyone to read a self-help book once in a while, it really help putting life into perspective. maybe i'm just depressed, everything's in perspective, hahahaa.. don't listen to me. seriously, don't listen to the girl who watched the michael jackson memorial and cried 5 times. i am so sensitive, it's not even funny, i have cried at least once every day for almost a month. yeaaaa.. i'm a hot mess, i know. lol

anyways, girls, again, thanks for all your comments and support. when i read your stories, i see a little bit of myself in every one of them. i guess we are all humans and suffer from the same pain. i love you all for your courage to share your story with me. thank you.